.
Everything that remind me of you are gone and I can't have it back. It was something I had to do to get through my anger. What happens now? I dont know. I still got my memoreis, but the question is - for how long?
Goodbye...
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
J. Blunt
Snow, snow and a bit more snow...
Tomorrow me, Sandra, Daniel and Jr are going to Skövde to shop! Yay, it's gonna be great fun!
Friday my wonderful Rebecca is coming here over the weekend. Shit, I have been looking forward to this day since I moved here! Im getting so happy when Im thinking that this day is here sooo soon!
Sunday it's Christmasmarket in the village and I just have to go there! Me love Christmas!
Monday at 10.00 Im starting my new job. It's gonna be so exciting! Wonderful to get out and start doing stuff again.
So as it looks for me right now, things are going well and I feel extremly good!
See you around, and for you who got snow, drive safe on the road! That include bikes! ;)
It's starting to be Christmas in my bedroom :)
If this isnt cute, I dont know what! :)
More water...
Goodmorning. It's Monday and it's rainy, Im happy that it isnt snow tho!
What's up today? Well, I dont really know. Atleast not until later this afternoon because then Im going to Skövde and gonna pick up Sandra at the trainstation and drive her home. That's my mission. But I need to go to Skövde anyway so I offered myself to driver her, which she really appreciated.
I still got a lot to solve before tomorrow, coz tomorrow if things go as planned I will start work so there are stuff to deal with.
And not to forget to mention my new little familymember! I brought home a kitten so Zoe wont be that lonely when Im working every day. Then I wont feel that guilty. Zoe isnt really understanding this for the moment. She isnt used to have another cat around but it looks like she is starting to get used to her. I hope that one day she will thank me. :)
Zelda
Isn't she cute? :)
Back on the road!
When it was time to pick up Jr again I went back to Johan and after that drove to my parents and was sleeping over there to today. I had to be in Skövde at 12 coz then I had another workinterview and it felt like it went pretty good. Very nice people. But if things go as planned Ill start work for real at another place really close by where I live, and it's a very funny store. But we'll see where it ends.
After the interview me, mom and Jr had to get back to the car, noo time for shopping in Skövde, coz the bird was waiting in the car. We went to my aunt's work and picked up her housekey so we could let Ebba in and then we went to my place and gave Zoe some food and water. After that it was back on the road again. Drove to my sister and picked up some food on our way there. We were starving! 16.30 we were gonna join Sandra & Daniel to look at a house they are interested in to buy. And I understand why! It was insanely nice. I really hope they will get it for a decent price. It would fit them perfect. Then it was getting dark again and I had to drive with my summertires back here. Mom and dad stayed here for a while and we shared a pizza. After that it was time for them to go and look after their babybird and get some sleep. We all were very tired.
While me, mom and Junior drove to Skövde this morning, dad went to Göteborg to do some stuff, one of the things was to pick up my wintertires and then he drove up here aswell, so tomorrow we are gonna change tires! Yaay! Just hope the weather is okey...
And tomorrow is also gonna be a busy day. Me and mom will go to a store she so badly wanna go to, and we are gonna go to my work coz she wanna see it, and it's a market in the village as it is every Friday but its different nearly every week. Sometimes its mostly flowers, sometimes its just shit and sometimes its just funny stuff.
Some time tomorrow Sandra and Daniel will come aswell. And tomorrow evening we all are gonna eat dinner at my aunt's. Drink some wine and just be social. :)
Saturday Im thinking of going to Skövde and buy some stuff I need and want. We'll see what's the plan. And I'll probably watch a movie with a friend on Saturday evening. Just take it easy. Feels like I can use some relaxingtime after another busy week. Since yesterday morning I have been driving a bit more than 600 km! Now Im gonna sort out my hair and then go and hug my dear pillow. Goodnight!
Love S
Save tonight
Go on and close the curtains
Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me and a bottle of wine
Going to hold you tonight
Well we know I’m going away
And how I wish...wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
Let’s delay our misery
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I’ll be gone
There’s a log on the fire
And it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
To take me away... it’s true
It ain’t easy to say goodbye
Darling please don’t start to cry
’cause girl you know I’ve got to go
Lord I wish it wasn’t so
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I’ll be gone
Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that i.... that I could stay
Girl you know I’ve got to go
Lord I wish it wasn’t so
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I’ll be gone
One and only
Right now life feels hard and Im sad. You're the only light I got.
Another week...
Tuesday me and Daniel went to Skövde and did some shopping. Very fun. Bought some stuff to the car, a top, lipgloss, a carpet, a bed/toy for Zoe, a lightning thing I have outside my door and I bet it was some more small stuff that I cant remember right now. But one thing I know for sure is that it wasnt much space left in the car. Thats the way it is is you got a small car. :p
Monday I went to my sister and we were talking a walk with the dogs in the forest while Daniel was changing tires on their car. Sometimes it's very handy with big dogs. Sandra putted Tobbe infront of Jr so he was draging him. It looked so sweet and Sandra very just walking behind and was telling directions for Tobbe. Me, well I was playing with the younger, more crazy dog. It was such a beautiful weather so it was wonderful.
Today the weather sux a bit, like yesterday, but the difference is that it isn't raining today. So far atleast. Im not gonna do much today at all. I'll send some letters, go to the dentist, buy a magazine, and maybe prepare some papers for tomorrow. And ofc, as every day, make some insanely annoying phonecalls. When Im going tothe dentist Ill drop Jr off at my aunt's daycare so he can play with the other kids, so I bet he'll enjoy it. He will probably have more fun than me during that time..
Tomorrow is a busy day tho. Gonna be at a check-up with Jr at 11.30. After that me, Sandra and Daniel will go to Skövde. I need to buy Jr a new pillow coz it seems like he wants a more fluffy one. And 15.00 I need to be at a meeting in Skövde, and after that we'll go back here and cook some food. That's the plan atleast.
Now Im gonna do some lunch and mentally prepare for the dentist.
See you around.
Love Sarah
Sandra, Jr and Tobbe 
Tobbe really enjoyed it. He is build for this!
<3
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
This song is very special in many ways.
I love it basiclly.
Slacky slacky...
Monday I was at my sister's place and was just chilling and also did a bit laundry. Monday evening me and Sandra went to my place and she slept over here. On our way here we actually saw 2 elks running over the street. That was a bit scary..
Tuesday morning me and Sandra went to our parents. We took a break at the shoppingmall in Trollhättan and ate some and were loading our batteries for the big event... fishing lobster! Sandra is so into fishing and in some wierd way she got me to follow. So just when we arrived to our parents we just changed clothes (to warm clothes!!) and went to the seahouse where daddy was waiting, ready to go. The weather was everything besides good and even tho I was wearing my skidress it felt like I was freezing my ass off. I mean it was a very funny time but cold, and noo lobsters. Just some scarabs and two recluse crayfishes. I dont know if thats the correct word for it, but anyway, they are so extremly funny and Sandra became best friend with one of them. One we just throwed back into the sea right away but we kept one in the boat. Sandra thought it was our new pet, a pretty boring pet, but yeah. We were really trying to get him out of the shell but we didnt succeed very well. He was on his way out but the I scared him by laughing Sandra said. We named him Kurt.
Wednesday we went back home again. We were both very tired and Im happy coz I got the rest of my stuff here which was standing at my parents.
Thursday. Boring day. Didnt know what to do but I was very tempted to go to the funny store in Hjo where they just sell stuff for your house. Decoration stuff etc. Paradise! The only problem was that Sandra promised a friend of her to follow and watch our crownprincess and the prince coz they were in town, so it became a bit tight but we maneged. And then started to snow insanely. That was wierd. After that we went to Sandra and Daniel and made some meatballs. Yummi. THen I was going home coz I had a friend coming over that evening.
Friday. Lazy day. I had an extremly headache the whole day. I decided to clean and shop some food and I visited the girl who had this apartment before me, in her new apartment.
Today, Saturday. I went to Skövde and met Martin and my aunt. We were in the shoppingmall and were checking for stuff to Martin's apartment. He miss alot on the walls so we were haunting stuff to put up there. After that we went to his apartment and ate some dinner. Yummi! And after that I went back home again, made an omelett, putting up my new lamp (since Zoe destroyed one this morning!), and here I am now. Have burned some movies to Sandra. Jr is sleeping so Im just relaxing, listening to music etc. Tomorrow evening Ill go to Sandra and Daniel and eat with them and play Bingo! Hehe we'll see how that goes. Fingers crossed!
Now Im gonna sit down in the sofa and just enjoy being inside and hear the rain pour down outside.
See you soon.
Love Sarah
Isnt she cute?! :D 
Here is Sandra with out pet Kurt. 
Sandra found a treasure she couldnt resist...
See how happy she is! :)
Zoe
Here are some pictures on my lovely cat :)
That's all for now. See you around.
Mushrooms!
After that we went to Sandra and Daniel's place and made a pie with bacon, ham, cheese and broccoli. That was yummi! After that I went home and cleaned a bit, and then my cousin Martin came to me and we were sitting and chating the whole evening and drank some. Very nice to hang out just the two of us. It was a while ago. Good old memories.
Today I have been in Skövde and were just walking around in the beautiful weather. Very nice. After that I went to my aunt and ate dinner and spent some time with them, and since Martin still were there he followed me here again, and we were putting up some stuff on the walls and I am very happy with the result. Now threre isnt much left to do as far as I know in the apartment. Ill get the rest of my stuff on Tuesday and then it's completed. :)
Here are some pictures from yesterday in the forest:
Basse
Basse
Sandra, Tobbe, Daniel and Junior
Tobbe
Junior
Sandra and Tobbe
Me and Basse
Time to go home, daddy :)
Yaay!
Tomorrow it's Friday again. Just got one word that explains Friday... Yaaaay !
I dont know why, I just feel so motivated on Fridays, for some wierd reason.. but on the other hand, Im a bit wierd aswell so maybe it's a perfect match? :)
Today I have been doing laundry and I can tell you, that was a challenge. Not laundry itself coz that's easy, but I did something really really stupid that I dont even should mention. I just had to tell someone so I called my sister and she laughed her ass off and so did I coz it's always funny afterwards. Not in the moment when you feel like shit..
Anyway, when my laundry was in the machine I was taking a trip to Hjo coz they have this crazy funny store there. Its all about decoration and its insanely cheap. It's perfect for me! And I think it's so funny to make the apartment nice. I really love my new apartment. It really feels like home and it's as I want it to be.
For the moment Zoe is playing with her toy and she is haunting it over the floor. It looks so funny coz she slips on the floor. Aww poor cat. :) But it seems like she thinks it's funny. That my livingrooms becomes a mess is just my problem, not her's.
Okey, back to tomorrow. I have already planned what to do tomorrow.
First of all I will get dressed etc and after that I will take my little car and drive to my sister. If it's okey weather, which I hope, we will go out and look for mushrooms. We will probably bring Daniel's parents dogs so they can run around in the forrest abit. After that we'll go to their home and make a bacon and broccoli pie. Then we will eat the pie (yummi), and after the dinner and when it starts to become evening Ill go home again and my cousin will come and visit me. Probably have something nice to drink, eat some snacks and just talk bullshit and hang out. Thats the plan atleast, but you never know what's happening. :) Thats the exciting part!
Now Im off to bed to load my batteries for tomorrow!
See you around.
Love / Sarah
Tomorrow its no beer for us dear sister! No, then we might get lost in the forrest! This is just a lovely summerpicture. But maybe we deserve a beer after out mushroom-haunting...
A while..
Today I recived a txt from a friend of mine. She had written down some feeling and thoughts she had. When I read it, it sounded like a poem to me and I got tears in my eyes from it. I will translate it into english so it probably wont be as good as in swedish, but I hope you see the point.
"Do you remember the time when you were a small kid? At that time bullshit didnt excisted. A kiss on the cheek was love. The top of pain you could imagine was when Barbie droped a leg or when the car´s wheel disappeared. But the worst pain you experienced was when you fell and hitted you knee. The biggest fear you had was the monster that was hiding under the bed.
Today its nearly nothing but bullshit. Love change into a big game. Pain is when you cut yourself in the wrist. The deepest moment of crying is when the person you love the most hurt you. The biggest fear is to loose your best friends and never see them again..."
Rebecca Söderlind
Back to reality
When we was supposed to leave Skövde to go home again Sandra was looking at the watch, 14.20, fuck! It was Sandra against the time. Every 30 min the bridge in the village opens, which she hates, coz you never know how long its gonna take. It all depends on how many boats that need to pass. When we came to the city it was 14.55. We had 5 minutes over! She said it was probably her fastest drive home. But hey, what do you do when its hot and you wanna miss the bridge? As soon as the road was clean from cameras she found how to speed it up. :p
Tomorrow we are gonna leave here. Sandra will go with me home to our parents so it will be nice to have some company, expect from Jr and Zoe ofc. :) Apparently its gonna be awful weather tomorrow so it suits us very good to go 4 hours in car. We will prolly take it slow and make some stops along the trip. Foodbreak, peebreak, JR-break, shoppingmall break, yeah you know. :) Besides having company in the car there is also a good thing that she goes with me. Lately my back hurts even more than usual so Im not sure that its a good idea that I drive all the way. We can switch if needed. I hope its for a good reason my back hurts. That might sound a bit stupid but my trainer said that its gonna hurt insanely much when Im training, and I have been swimming alot lately. I need to build up a strong stomage and back and its gonna hurt but the result will be good. Or atleast as good as it can be.
Today Cajsa arrived to the island where our parents live so its gonna be great to meet her. She is gonna stay for 3 weeks so I hope I will get some time with her. Daniel is coming there Friday night and Cajsa's boyfriend on Saturday. Its gonna be great to FINALLY meet this guy. Always when he is there Im not so this time I will really try to make an appointment.
Yesterday there happened a tiny accident aswell. One of Sandra's cats took a bite on one of my bikinis! She ate the string I need to put behind the neck. Hmm.. well done worry, it came out again but not very fresh. My mom was gonna have a look at it if she could fix it in some way. Its my favourite one!
Then I started to think. How do you punish an indoor cat? I mean you cant throw it out, you cant lock it inside in a single room, then it would probably happen a hmm accident somewhere you dont want to, you cant stop give it food... does it work with just yelling?
Now my plan is to read some pages from my book. It will probably dont take long before I fall asleep with the light on and the book on my nose but yeah. What can you do? :)
Goodnight fellows.
This is where we were swimming
Junior on the beach :) <3
Beautiful
Love you...
When love...
I can still remember the way life used to be.
When everything was simple, the days were endlessly.
Recalling the emotions on my distant memories.
We didn't know what love was, but still we did belive.
When love lives in heaven.
Why does it hurt so bad?
Why does it make me sad?
All the tears in my eyes...
When love lives in heaven, why do the angels smile?
Tell me the reason why.
We were swimming in the ocean.
Dacing in the rain.
We sitting on the rooftop and reaching for the stars.
Those days are gone forever but the legend never leaves.
We felt so free, but emptiness is all that's left in me.
But you could be the one who turns my world around.
If I could only turn to you.
GC - When love lives in heaven
Summertime
4 weeks holiday starts now!
We ran into our cousin Martin in the park yesterday evening.
Nice 
Beautiful Sandra
Me 
You are my life
Heavy thoughts
I know Im not an easy person. Sometimes when I feel bad I so badly wanna keep it for myself. I want it so badly so I hurt people around me that wanna help me. I think that Im trying so hard so I fail. I don't want to be a bother coz as far as I know, to feel unwanted, is the worse feeling you can feel.
Noone ever said that life was gonna be easy. I think it is what you make out of it, but sometimes I cant stop wonder, is it really suppose to be like this? Every person got their own feelings and experiences of things, both good and bad, and a life that might look very good from another person's point of view might be a nightmare for the person who lives that life. Ofcourse you can dream of a life that seems good from the outside. You can wish you lived his/her life, but in my opinion you should always keep in mind that you arent that person. You arent sharing the same feelings. Think about it, what makes you happy?
The latest days I have been trying to relax and appreciate everything I have. I know there are so many people around the world that are having so many more and worse problems than me. Sometimes the bad takes over and you arent happy about what you actually got. All you see is what you're missing.
When Im feeling like this it feels like Im disappearing. I take a step out and looking back at my life. What happened, both in happiness and sadness. Ofcourse the sad things dominates. Its the sad feelings you feel comes back. Its like you are experience it over again. Very often Im thinking back to Friday 13th February 2004. It was the date when my uncle died which caused my grandma's 8 last days in life was in coma. She wasnt strong enough to deal with it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I asked my grandma before she passed out if there was anything I could do for her, give her a glas of water or anything but she was in a too big shock, and a few minutes later the ambulance came and picked her up. I remember I so badly wanted to do anything for her but I couldnt come up with anything good. Water was the only thing I could think of and I feel so stupid. Why didnt I sit down next to her? Hugging her? Anything. If I knew that was the last time I saw her breathing on her own I would probably said how much I love her.
Thats the scary thing about life. You never know what's gonna happens next. You never know if you're gonna meet your mum, dad, sister, brother, friend etc ever again. There is noone who can promise you that. I never thought my last words to grandpa would be: go to bed! Now, when the damage is done, there is nothing to do about it. And when I think of it, Im getting so sad. My family has always been very important to me, now there is just one left from my grandparents, and it makes me realize how short life is. There is no guarantee for anything. You just have to face it.
Think about it. Tomorrow it might be too late.
Panic! Im getting old!
I totally forget to update some photos from my trip to my sister a few weeks ago. Im getting old and starting to forget stuff. Scary when it hits you like that..! Here are some atleast:
Wii ftw!
Me and Sandra
We are soo look a like to be sisters, right ?
Lovely sister <3
Me like! =D
Beautiful weather
Preparing BBQ
Me and Daniel 
A picture tells more than 1000 words... ;)
That's it for now.
Cheers!
Cloudy = cleaning ?
Today is a cloudy day here. Nothing to do really... so what does Sarah do then? Well, right now she will start to clean the bathroom! Everywhere in the bathroom... hmm..
Just burned a CD I can listen to during my cleaning process.. like it would make me more motivated to start. Maybe. Atleast I will feel good when its done. Too bad Jr is in a very very bad mood ftm. Think he is very tired coz he didnt had his lunchnap, but I dont wanna put him to sleep now coz then he wont sleep tonight so for the moment, its a no win win situation.
Better start with my cleaning.
Take care. 
/Love Sarah
I dont cry for pain. I dont cry for fear, you know that. I only cry for love.
